16 - Thoughts of a passing bachelor

I have just been to the Prep weekend for Lee Abbey Camp, which is a time for the leaders to begin to prepare everything for the two amazing weeks on that small field in North Devon. It is also a fantastic time for people who have often not seen each other for around eight or nine months to meet back together, spend some time chatting and enjoying each other's company.

I am getting married on Sunday, and many of my friends whom I have met through LA Camp were there, and often asked the question, "So, are you excited then?!" Both me and Christabel are fairly honest people, and to be honest, our response had to be either a shrug and a "meh", or a feigned excitement. I did spend some time trying to muster up some excitement about the event, but the loss of my mp3 player with all my recent work on it and Manchester United losing to Chelsea kind of put a dampener on everything.

I am excited about the wedding, sort of, just probably not as much as some of those who are coming to witness it. I'm sure that come Friday and Saturday, we will be bouncing off the walls, but there are still things to be organised, things to be paid for and collected, and at the moment it feels a bit like getting excited about the imminent completion of a Lego model. A Lego model that's taken nearly three years to complete.

Christabel and I have been together now for just under six and a half years. That's quite a long time. The Beatles only released records for eight years, and look at what they produced. When Christabel and I got together, 11/9 was still a very raw scar on America's national conscience, but Iraq had not yet been invaded. The Earthquake in Bam, Iran, had not yet killed 28,000 people, and the Tsunami in the Indian Ocean had not yet killed 225,000. (Isn't it weird how we define our time in terms of these international incidents, which usually involve massive humanitarian crises?)

The point is, over that time, Christabel and I have got used to each other's quirks and foibles. Although we haven't lived together yet(won't that be fun?!), we do know each other really rather well and the thought of being married to her doesn't seem, to me, to be much of a change at this point in time. I'm probably wrong. We'll see.

And then there's the point that I'm still at work and I don't finish until Friday. When your normal life is still on-going (wake up, make breakfast, watch breakfast TV, go to work, work, go home from work, make tea, eat tea, watch evening TV, go to bed), it's a bit difficult to get thrilled about other things. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I'm definitely looking forward to the honeymoon and what goes on on the honeymoon (I don't have to spell it out), and the food that we'll have at the reception will be great, I'm sure. Most of the bits are now organised, most of them are paid for and most have been collected/delivered. I think when I'm getting dressed into that outfit at Sunday lunchtime I'll probably start to feel rather nervous and a bit out of my depth. But not right now.

I think a big reason for the feeling of apathy is that I simply haven't got my head around the enormity of marriage. Maybe I won't for a while, as I have no direct experience of what it is, what it's like and how to do it. I get these odd snippets of thoughts running through my head every now and again, such as the point when we start having kids, or being old together and looking back on these years and thinking about everything that we've done. Because, compared to fifty years of marriage, six and a half years of a relationship is not a long time.

But the main reason for feeling calm is that I know that this is what God wants. It links into my personal views on divorce, which are rather different, I suspect, to most people's views. I don't have a problem with divorce, personally. I think its legality is fine and it is acceptable for Christians to do it, whilst obviously it is incredibly sad. Because the point is, when one gets married, one is either doing it in accordance with God's wishes or against God's wishes. If it is against them, then you'll be lucky to make the marriage work, and perhaps less happy than those in the other camp. If the marriage ends in divorce because of this, the sin occurred when the two got married, not when they get divorced.

If the marriage is in accordance with God's wishes, then the people are "right" for each other, but if it reaches the point of divorce being necessary then the couple (or maybe one of the couple) have sinned by not investing the time, being loving enough, or disciplining themselves enough to make the marriage work. The divorce is not a sin, but is the result of a multitude of sins. Even at that point, forgiveness and effort can still make a marriage work, but if the wife has for years been the subject of beatings, how can one condemn her for wanting to escape that and find happiness with someone who will love her better?

I strongly believe, and have done since I first fell in love with Christabel back in February 2002, that she is "The One". I believe that God wants us to be married, that he smiles down upon us and has given each to the other to fulfil some greater purpose. I am under no illusion that the rest of my life will be easy, and am prepared to put in the hard work to make everything what it should be. But the very fact that this is the fruition of something Godly makes me rather relaxed, and prepared to take whatever comes along.

Actually, thinking about it, I am getting rather excited now...