STOP PRESS!

Middle-class England could be about to be brought to its knees.

Dentists have announced that smoothies could be bad for you. See here.

This astonishing and frightening news will terrify many of those in the UK who have, in the previous few years, indulged in drinking fruit smoothies, often in the mistaken belief that fruit are actually really quite good for you.

Research is now being conducted to find some mysterious, as-yet-unheard-of way to protect your teeth from sugary products and plaque. The way forward is difficult, but I'm sure that with enough funding, interest and research, humanity will prevail.